learning how to have hope

living life
with joy.
marriage at a young age.
followed by pregnancy.
after all, that is what the role of the woman is,
to bear children.

prolonged labor,
3 days, maybe more...
no money to pay doctors,
maybe no hospital to go to.
or just too long of a wait for care.

finally a surgery to take the baby out.
the pain of labor for many days,
and now a painful incision,
are no match for the pain to follow.
a stillborn baby.
maybe the only child she will ever have.

awake in the hospital,
alone.
confused.
in pain.
with no child.
and now a new problem.
why am I leaking urine?
this has never happened before.
but it will not stop.

A constant leak
a stench that cannot be hidden.
no husband will lay next to a woman who leaks
and smells.
so alone.
No community will accept this condition
The only acknowledgement
is a hurtful word
or maybe abuse.
So very alone.

What to do but hide?
But to feel ashamed,
and hopeless.

Years go by with no answers
no help
no hope.
How do you cope?
What keeps you moving,
believing,
living?

There is just no end to the suffering of women with obstetric fistulas. The pain is indescribable. I can't even begin to imagine how they have lived and survived.  They are warriors and they are so beautiful. There are some women that we cannot help and that is so heart breaking. It is such a challenge to maintain hope when we cannot turn their lives completely around and give them a whole new life to begin upon leaving the ship. 

Mother Teresa was quoted saying:
"Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat."

These women are unloved and alone for so many years. What I am learning is that they come to the ship with hopes of physical healing, but also can experience healing spiritually and emotionally. They are loved more than they maybe ever have been before.  I know that I cannot help but to love them so much. They have incredible hearts, beautiful smiles, genuine hugs. Life has been very hard for these women. They are ashamed, depressed, hidden. They don't smile. They are quiet and unsure. Slowly the trust builds. They are cautious but trusting at first, and then reveal their loving and gracious selves as time goes on.  I am so blessed to have met and cared for these women and spent so much time just loving them. I feel at peace and truly feel God's love and presence whenever I am with them. It's an amazing and beautiful feeling.

Praise God for bringing them to the ship, for placing them in my path, and for blessing us all with their lives. While they understandably have many struggles with understanding why they have been burdened with this life, most of them have proven to remain hopeful and continue to worship and glorify God.  They are faithful. Despite their past hardships and as some of them face future hurdles, they praise God and place their hope in Him. They give so much more to us than we could ever give to them.  I am learning more and more from them to be thankful and to praise God in every situation, when we feel blessed, and most importantly when we struggle.  I just hope that I can always remember each of these ladies, the impact they have had on me, and the perspective on life they have and that they inspire in me.

James 1:2-4 (NIV)

² Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

John 13:13-17

Isaiah 40:31 (NIV)

but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint.